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Dual Caregiving: Who's in Control?

Judie Rappaport
May 29, 2014

Dear Judie,


My sister Joan and I recently became Mom’s (91) caregivers. We’re both control freaks and after two weeks on the caregiving job, we’ve come to two conclusions: 1.) we love Mom and want to continue helping her, 2.) This won’t work unless we’re both in control. Now what?


- Marie, Port Saint Lucie


Dear Marie and Joan,


Mom’s lucky to have two loving daughters who want to help. Try working as a team by agreeing in advance which tasks are best suited to your skills/interests. When thinking about strengths, consider what you’re particularly good at and how those skills may help in your current situation. For example:

  • Are you comfortable bathing or feeding Mom? Grocery shopping? Cooking? 
  • Are you comfortable talking with doctors? Pharmacists?
  • Are you skilled managing calendars or medication schedules?
  • Is your strong suit paying bills, managing expenses, communicating with financial counselors?


Be realistic about how much you can do and what you’re willing to do. Remember, assigned responsibilities may change as needed to reflect Mom’s needs and your abilities and limitations.


Judie Rappaport, President & Founder
Preferred Lifestyle Services

Trust Yourself. You Have the Knowledge, Insight,
and Power to make the right decisions for you and your parent. ©


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